I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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