Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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