I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
