worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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