It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
