so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
