I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
