i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
