Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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