I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
