She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
