Ambien. No doubt about it.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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