i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
