Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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