he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
as a side note pls kill me
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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