Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
