i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
