does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
