OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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