She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
This baby is an asshole
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
