i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
