I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
cat food counts as protein by the way
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
