Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
