She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You dont lie about slip and slides
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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