you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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