i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
