i barfeds in our rink
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
