I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
foreskin is a definite game changer
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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