It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
