Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
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