This dress was meant to end up on your floor
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
