I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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