u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
