His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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