so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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