They should really pass out barf bags in church
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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