he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
