What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
