he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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