Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
