Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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