btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
