Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
