Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
