is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
