now i know why i became what i already was.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
