why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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