You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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