I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
