hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
