Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
