There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
